As I sit here wide awake before the sun in our baby boys' room, fresh with new paint and stacks of clothes we've slowly been accumulating, I can't help but recall the many sleepless nights that lead me to this one.
Tag: faith
The Childless Holiday
I know with my recent happy news, it may seem like I don't understand what it's like to try and survive a childless holiday, but before the joy of this year, I faced this season like you--cringing at every pregnancy announcement, teary-eyed at the "baby's first Christmas" ornaments, and generally, feeling empty. Last year I [...]
God Revealed
This month has been hard. As any of my infertility sisters know, when you're trying to conceive (TTC), you live month to month. Early this month, I was laid off--rather, my department was. It was unexpected and abrupt, though not entirely surprising. I was uncharacteristically okay with it. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy my [...]
The Things I Wish I Knew Before I Began Infertility Treatment : The Logistics
This last week has been full of reflection. I've had a lot of long drives by myself to and from the doctors. It's the first time in a long time that I've been able to look at this journey and think something positive. As I've thought back through these past two and a half years, [...]
Lessons from Job
Many of my religious mentors have referenced Job throughout this difficult season of life, so I decided to see what it was all about. So, for reasons I don't entirely understand (I should caveat this by saying that I really never read an entire story or really any of the Bible on a regular basis, so [...]
Life and Faith
A dear friend of mine, Rachael, has been going through a tremendous amount of loss in this season of her life. She has, sadly, lost both her father and grandfather. I’ve watched her suffering and all I can do is offer my own brokenness to show her it’s okay to fall apart. It’s not the [...]
I Choose Hope
I've made a choice, as we all do, what would be my "North Star" as I've journeyed through infertility. I've chosen frustration. I've chosen disappointment. I've chosen anger. I've chosen loss. It has been an easy choice, as the wrong ones usually are. With every negative pregnancy test, with every incorrect ovulation test, with every doctor [...]
He is Faithful
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23 Today is a day of bliss, a day where I can not dismiss or avoid or forget the abundance that God has given me. To be honest, I've been trying to forget God's goodness. Between my [...]
Facing The Reality of Infertility
The journey of infertility has left me broken in ways that I never thought possible. Even just the term, "infertility" still makes me cringe. Struggling through this has left me feeling beaten.
Faith and Trust
This week Anthony and I were told that we will not be able to get our house for at least another year in order for Anthony's credit score to recover. I'll explain and keep it brief to avoid fixating. About two months ago, we found out that there were several misreported/missed payments for his old car [...]
The Messy Middle 