Many of my religious mentors have referenced Job throughout this difficult season of life, so I decided to see what it was all about. So, for reasons I don’t entirely understand (I should caveat this by saying that I really never read an entire story or really any of the Bible on a regular basis, so it’s kind of a big deal to me, but that’s a separate post all together), I read through the story of Job today. Skimmed, rather–there is a whole lot of back and forth between Job and his friends if you didn’t know so don’t get all judge-y.

I don’t know about the majority of the world, but I always remembered the story of Job going something like this (Please note that this recount is almost entirely inaccurate): Job was this really nice, really good guy and he had a wife and some kids and some sheep and some land and he was in God’s “favor,” so to speak. Then, one day, God decided to test him and took away all his wife and kids and sheep and land and was like, okay now what Job? And Job was like, “it’s all good, God. I’m a little sad but, I still love you and know that all good things come from you.” And God was like, wow he really is this really good guy. He’s passed this test. I’m going to give him all that stuff back. And then he gave Job an even more beautiful wife and they had even more kids who were even more beautiful, genetics and all, and he had more sheep and more land.

Based on my read today, as noted above, I found my kid’s church understanding of the story to be quite wrong. If you want to read the real story here is the version I read.

I won’t try and paraphrase the Bible because I think, even with my incredible skimming skills (fun fact: I’m a terrible skimmer, but–like I said–there was a lot of back and forth with his friends in poetry form and the whole poetry war isn’t really my thing), I would likely misrepresent it. But, I do want to talk about a few things that stuck with me when I read Job’s story.

1. Job’s faith wavered.

I always thought Job was this pinnacle of holiness type guy who lost everything and was like, no big deal because all I need is God. Which, how can you even try and compete with that? And, though eventually he did come back around to being that guy (we’ll get to that), he had a lapse. He was angry and hurt and confused by God. He wondered why he was even born and kept hoping for death.This Job, the really torn up, broken one, this Job is the one I relate to. I feel a little silly, because I have so much and have lost so little, but the stories in the Bible are for relating to and learning from, so that’s what I decided to do. Anyway, so I’m looking at Job. He’s lamenting and everything, as he should be, and I find myself thinking, I get it. In some small way, I understood that anger and that hurt and that confusion.

2. Job’s friends try and help him.

Though God is later not very happy with what they say in the name of God, Job’s friends do try and help him. Some of them are more kind, but overall they all think that he needs to suck it up and just give it all to God. And then Job’s like, my feelings are valid I just lost my entire family, fortune, and farm.I have a huge support system and I’ve had a lot of people tell me to go read the Bible, or to pray, or to believe, or to have more faith. It’s all been well intentioned and I’m not saying that this is something that God would disprove of, He probably sent them to tell me these things, but I also feel like nothing will feel or heal the way that it does when God says it.

3. God reminds Job how powerful He is.

For those of you who aren’t religious or aren’t familiar with Job’s story, I think there is an unfortunate view that popular culture has dreamed up that doesn’t put enough emphasis on the justice and mercy of who God is in the Christian religion. People often think that He is a mean, hateful being, or they think He is a soft, fluffy bunny. God is described as being equally just and merciful. I’ve struggled with understanding this for a long time, but when God answers Job starting in Job 38:1, you can see this combination:

“Do you give the horse his might?
Do you clothe his neck with a mane?
Do you make him leap like the locust?
His majestic snorting is terrifying.
He paws in the valley and exults in his strength;
he goes out to meet the weapons.
He laughs at fear and is not dismayed;
he does not turn back from the sword.”
-Job 19-22

God reminds Job who He is. He is God; Job is man. God follows the pattern above and keeps throwing down His major credentials about how He made the earth and all of the beings and all of the animals and nature and the sea and shore. It’s a pretty awesome passage and, I think, God’s point in saying all of that is to both humble us as humans, to show how small we are and how big He is, and to show us we can trust Him.

It’s interesting. God does not need to justify Himself to us, and who are we to ask Him to? But He understands how hard having faith is and he knows that we fail, so He gives us these reminders that He is not just good, but great. Not great like a great guy or that’s some great fro-yo, great like bigger and more than anything ever. That He is the beginning and the end of everything. No big deal.

4. God forgives Job.

Job repents (and is probably peeing his pants) by the end of that conversation and God, even after he describes how he made everything ever and does all things all the time, he shows Job mercy. And not only forgives him, but blesses him ten-fold.

What?! I mean, he literally could have smited…smittened…smite him (?) if He wanted to, but he chose grace. He didn’t pity Job, he empathized.

This time in my life has brought on challenges I never could have foreseen, and the thing that has been the most difficult is how much I’ve wavered in my faith. I’ve always said I don’t know who I would be without God. Where I am right now, this is my answer.

Of course, I still believe in Him, but my faith has dwindled. Where I used to stand strong, I have shrunken into a corner.

I feel like Job, crying out to God wanting answers. But seeing his power, though the text reads a bit charged, relieves me in some ways like a child who is disciplined. It’s not fun at the time, but it means stability and reliability.

 

It’s so easy for us to forget how powerful He truly is. I pray that I do not forget this so often, and that I use this knowledge to lean on God rather than myself or others.

For those of you struggling and failing in your faith, you are not alone. I am failing. I am struggling. I am broken beyond belief, but God is still reaching out to me. Even if I can’t quite see the light at the end of the tunnel, I think I can feel the warmth.