I've never done well with repetition. I've always openly admitted to the fact that I would make the world's worst accountant and rarely get the exact same haircut twice in a row. I don't detest habits or organization, I just have my own way of doing both. Recently, my world has been rocked a lot. [...]
When we moved here, not too long ago, we did so in haste. After being married only a short while, the walls of our previous residence were quickly closing in. Our rooms were filled to the tip top—or at least that’s how it felt. We moved in and everything we had became so small in [...]
These past three years have gone by in a blur. My desire for, my seeking and wanting of a child became such a dominant part of my identity that I often felt like I lost myself. By the time the boys finally arrived, I'd all but disappeared. 2018 was a year of moving from one [...]
Two days after I delivered my twin boys via C-section, I stepped out of my hospital gown and into the shower. I was afraid of what I would see when I saw myself post-babies. Would my scar be horrifically stitched? Would my skin be wrinkled and stretched? Would I look like the hallowed out thing [...]
And suddenly I'm on the other side of a phone call I've made so many times, and I'm silent. Her tears come fast, her words frantic and breathing uncontrolled. Another cycle, another failed attempt to become pregnant. And she asks me the question I may never have the answer to, "why?" Why her? Why them? [...]
This last week has been full of reflection. I've had a lot of long drives by myself to and from the doctors. It's the first time in a long time that I've been able to look at this journey and think something positive. As I've thought back through these past two and a half years, [...]
It’s been nearly eight months since I’ve started recording my infertility journey and each post I’ve written has taken me to a place of sorrow that I can no longer go. I promise to someday comb back through the painful details of these last few months, but I cannot now. I’m holding tight to what [...]
This week Anthony and I were told that we will not be able to get our house for at least another year in order for Anthony's credit score to recover. I'll explain and keep it brief to avoid fixating. About two months ago, we found out that there were several misreported/missed payments for his old car [...]
I'm 21. Not by choice, by the force of time. I'm not a drinker--I can't handle my liquor. I'm not a partier--I don't have enough friends. I'm not a socializer--the friends thing again, and also I'm not a big fan of people. I'll have gone through my twenty first year of life without ever having [...]
The Messy Middle 