These last few days on social media there has been a wave of parents sharing photos of their children for #nationalsonsday and #nationaldaughtersday. I know these days are particularly challenging for those fighting through infertility--a reminder of what everyone else has and another new "holiday" to dread.Being six years removed from our infertility journey, it [...]
When we moved here, not too long ago, we did so in haste. After being married only a short while, the walls of our previous residence were quickly closing in. Our rooms were filled to the tip top—or at least that’s how it felt. We moved in and everything we had became so small in [...]
The difficulties of being a mom aren't what I thought they would be. Sure, there's the sleep deprivation, the physical exhaustion, the two screaming babies, the relentless worrying--those are all some what things I expected because everyone tells you all about them. The hardest part, though, isn't any of those--or perhaps, it's a combination of those.
Finally, at 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant, my water broke. We ended up going over to my sisters and having my niece's birthday dinner before heading to the hospital which might sound crazy but I was NOT going to get sent home again!
And suddenly I'm on the other side of a phone call I've made so many times, and I'm silent. Her tears come fast, her words frantic and breathing uncontrolled. Another cycle, another failed attempt to become pregnant. And she asks me the question I may never have the answer to, "why?" Why her? Why them? [...]
Easter weekend was incredibly emotional for me--not only is Easter the most sacred of celebrations in the Christian faith, it also holds a special place in my life. One year ago, Easter was one of the hardest days of my life. It happened to be the first holiday that came after our failed IUI. For [...]
I know with my recent happy news, it may seem like I don't understand what it's like to try and survive a childless holiday, but before the joy of this year, I faced this season like you--cringing at every pregnancy announcement, teary-eyed at the "baby's first Christmas" ornaments, and generally, feeling empty. Last year I [...]
With the same thread That holds the stars in place Your hearts were weaved Cavities where meteors go to rest Your fingers--tiny, compressed galaxies Made to hold worlds And moons And dreams Like mine Your ever-moving, ever-kicking toes Traced in constellations That we used to hope upon Now we know They were just keeping you [...]
This last week has been full of reflection. I've had a lot of long drives by myself to and from the doctors. It's the first time in a long time that I've been able to look at this journey and think something positive. As I've thought back through these past two and a half years, [...]
It’s been nearly eight months since I’ve started recording my infertility journey and each post I’ve written has taken me to a place of sorrow that I can no longer go. I promise to someday comb back through the painful details of these last few months, but I cannot now. I’m holding tight to what [...]
The Messy Middle 