Tonight is Oliver’s first official night out of our room (that is, unless, of course, I change my mind and sneak him back into our room). I sit, rocking him, nursing him as he drifts off to sleep, and I think about his little body tucked against mine. I think about he’s not as small [...]
When we moved here, not too long ago, we did so in haste. After being married only a short while, the walls of our previous residence were quickly closing in. Our rooms were filled to the tip top—or at least that’s how it felt. We moved in and everything we had became so small in [...]
These past three years have gone by in a blur. My desire for, my seeking and wanting of a child became such a dominant part of my identity that I often felt like I lost myself. By the time the boys finally arrived, I'd all but disappeared. 2018 was a year of moving from one [...]
As I sit here wide awake before the sun in our baby boys' room, fresh with new paint and stacks of clothes we've slowly been accumulating, I can't help but recall the many sleepless nights that lead me to this one.
I've made a choice, as we all do, what would be my "North Star" as I've journeyed through infertility. I've chosen frustration. I've chosen disappointment. I've chosen anger. I've chosen loss. It has been an easy choice, as the wrong ones usually are. With every negative pregnancy test, with every incorrect ovulation test, with every doctor [...]
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23 Today is a day of bliss, a day where I can not dismiss or avoid or forget the abundance that God has given me. To be honest, I've been trying to forget God's goodness. Between my [...]
The journey of infertility has left me broken in ways that I never thought possible. Even just the term, "infertility" still makes me cringe. Struggling through this has left me feeling beaten.
Anthony and I got married the winter of our 21st birthdays. To be exact, I was 21 years, 4 months, and two days old when I said, "I do." People asked me, "why are you rushing into this?" It wasn't rushed, in fact, I felt like I was going at tortoise-like pace. To me, this didn't feel [...]
The Messy Middle 