When we moved here, not too long ago, we did so in haste. After being married only a short while, the walls of our previous residence were quickly closing in. Our rooms were filled to the tip top—or at least that’s how it felt. We moved in and everything we had became so small in [...]
These past three years have gone by in a blur. My desire for, my seeking and wanting of a child became such a dominant part of my identity that I often felt like I lost myself. By the time the boys finally arrived, I'd all but disappeared. 2018 was a year of moving from one [...]
Two days after I delivered my twin boys via C-section, I stepped out of my hospital gown and into the shower. I was afraid of what I would see when I saw myself post-babies. Would my scar be horrifically stitched? Would my skin be wrinkled and stretched? Would I look like the hallowed out thing [...]
The difficulties of being a mom aren't what I thought they would be. Sure, there's the sleep deprivation, the physical exhaustion, the two screaming babies, the relentless worrying--those are all some what things I expected because everyone tells you all about them. The hardest part, though, isn't any of those--or perhaps, it's a combination of those.
Finally, at 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant, my water broke. We ended up going over to my sisters and having my niece's birthday dinner before heading to the hospital which might sound crazy but I was NOT going to get sent home again!
The sun was setting. Anthony and I were running behind to our bible study. Me, perpetually late--him perpetually trying to make up for my lost time. I hadn't done the readings. "I tried," I told Anthony. The reality was I picked up our workbook and read a few pages about how flawed we humans are [...]
Easter weekend was incredibly emotional for me--not only is Easter the most sacred of celebrations in the Christian faith, it also holds a special place in my life. One year ago, Easter was one of the hardest days of my life. It happened to be the first holiday that came after our failed IUI. For [...]
As I sit here wide awake before the sun in our baby boys' room, fresh with new paint and stacks of clothes we've slowly been accumulating, I can't help but recall the many sleepless nights that lead me to this one.
This month has been hard. As any of my infertility sisters know, when you're trying to conceive (TTC), you live month to month. Early this month, I was laid off--rather, my department was. It was unexpected and abrupt, though not entirely surprising. I was uncharacteristically okay with it. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy my [...]
I'm not sure where to begin. Logic would say at the beginning, but I can't. It's too much. I know I haven't updated. I know I haven't spoken. My throat got so tired, you see. I opened myself up to ignorance and misunderstanding. I opened myself up--really is the point. And I stopped wanting to [...]
The Messy Middle 