Two days after I delivered my twin boys via C-section, I stepped out of my hospital gown and into the shower. I was afraid of what I would see when I saw myself post-babies. Would my scar be horrifically stitched? Would my skin be wrinkled and stretched? Would I look like the hallowed out thing [...]
Easter weekend was incredibly emotional for me--not only is Easter the most sacred of celebrations in the Christian faith, it also holds a special place in my life. One year ago, Easter was one of the hardest days of my life. It happened to be the first holiday that came after our failed IUI. For [...]
I know with my recent happy news, it may seem like I don't understand what it's like to try and survive a childless holiday, but before the joy of this year, I faced this season like you--cringing at every pregnancy announcement, teary-eyed at the "baby's first Christmas" ornaments, and generally, feeling empty. Last year I [...]
This month has been hard. As any of my infertility sisters know, when you're trying to conceive (TTC), you live month to month. Early this month, I was laid off--rather, my department was. It was unexpected and abrupt, though not entirely surprising. I was uncharacteristically okay with it. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy my [...]
This last week has been full of reflection. I've had a lot of long drives by myself to and from the doctors. It's the first time in a long time that I've been able to look at this journey and think something positive. As I've thought back through these past two and a half years, [...]
I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out how to write this post, trying to find something encouraging for those of you out there who will be experiencing a childless Mother's Day. In just a few hours, I'm due to go to church where I'm sure they will make some sort of statement about today [...]
It’s been nearly eight months since I’ve started recording my infertility journey and each post I’ve written has taken me to a place of sorrow that I can no longer go. I promise to someday comb back through the painful details of these last few months, but I cannot now. I’m holding tight to what [...]
The Messy Middle 