People think, like I used to, that when a couple loses their child or children that their loss is shared. The child or children him or herself are shared, but the loss, the loss is different. As I sit here on the first Father’s Day after losing our twin boys on November 29, 2024, that [...]
Tag: faith
Purposeful Disruption
I've never done well with repetition. I've always openly admitted to the fact that I would make the world's worst accountant and rarely get the exact same haircut twice in a row. I don't detest habits or organization, I just have my own way of doing both. Recently, my world has been rocked a lot. [...]
Little Seeds
Over two years ago, I was sitting in the waiting room of our fertility clinic. It was one of the 14 days of consecutive blood draws and ultrasounds during the egg retrieval phase. They do this to check your hormone levels and see if your follicles are numerous enough and large enough to "trigger" the [...]
To our first home’s next home owners…
When we moved here, not too long ago, we did so in haste. After being married only a short while, the walls of our previous residence were quickly closing in. Our rooms were filled to the tip top—or at least that’s how it felt. We moved in and everything we had became so small in [...]
A New Age of Discovery
These past three years have gone by in a blur. My desire for, my seeking and wanting of a child became such a dominant part of my identity that I often felt like I lost myself. By the time the boys finally arrived, I'd all but disappeared. 2018 was a year of moving from one [...]
Confessions of a (New) Twin Mom
The difficulties of being a mom aren't what I thought they would be. Sure, there's the sleep deprivation, the physical exhaustion, the two screaming babies, the relentless worrying--those are all some what things I expected because everyone tells you all about them. The hardest part, though, isn't any of those--or perhaps, it's a combination of those.
Our Birth Story
Finally, at 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant, my water broke. We ended up going over to my sisters and having my niece's birthday dinner before heading to the hospital which might sound crazy but I was NOT going to get sent home again!
The Other Side
And suddenly I'm on the other side of a phone call I've made so many times, and I'm silent. Her tears come fast, her words frantic and breathing uncontrolled. Another cycle, another failed attempt to become pregnant. And she asks me the question I may never have the answer to, "why?" Why her? Why them? [...]
The Day I Told God I Hated Him
The sun was setting. Anthony and I were running behind to our bible study. Me, perpetually late--him perpetually trying to make up for my lost time. I hadn't done the readings. "I tried," I told Anthony. The reality was I picked up our workbook and read a few pages about how flawed we humans are [...]
New Life Begins
Easter weekend was incredibly emotional for me--not only is Easter the most sacred of celebrations in the Christian faith, it also holds a special place in my life. One year ago, Easter was one of the hardest days of my life. It happened to be the first holiday that came after our failed IUI. For [...]
The Messy Middle 