These past three years have gone by in a blur. My desire for, my seeking and wanting of a child became such a dominant part of my identity that I often felt like I lost myself. By the time the boys finally arrived, I'd all but disappeared. 2018 was a year of moving from one [...]
Two days after I delivered my twin boys via C-section, I stepped out of my hospital gown and into the shower. I was afraid of what I would see when I saw myself post-babies. Would my scar be horrifically stitched? Would my skin be wrinkled and stretched? Would I look like the hallowed out thing [...]
The difficulties of being a mom aren't what I thought they would be. Sure, there's the sleep deprivation, the physical exhaustion, the two screaming babies, the relentless worrying--those are all some what things I expected because everyone tells you all about them. The hardest part, though, isn't any of those--or perhaps, it's a combination of those.
I know my last blog post read pretty hopeless. It was a true record of this experience. Some days I forget all about our almost baby. Some days pass quickly and quietly, and I am thankful for them. The last few days have been a bit that way. I've been feeling decent today, though Monday [...]
I've made a choice, as we all do, what would be my "North Star" as I've journeyed through infertility. I've chosen frustration. I've chosen disappointment. I've chosen anger. I've chosen loss. It has been an easy choice, as the wrong ones usually are. With every negative pregnancy test, with every incorrect ovulation test, with every doctor [...]
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23 Today is a day of bliss, a day where I can not dismiss or avoid or forget the abundance that God has given me. To be honest, I've been trying to forget God's goodness. Between my [...]
This week Anthony and I were told that we will not be able to get our house for at least another year in order for Anthony's credit score to recover. I'll explain and keep it brief to avoid fixating. About two months ago, we found out that there were several misreported/missed payments for his old car [...]
The Messy Middle 