I've never done well with repetition. I've always openly admitted to the fact that I would make the world's worst accountant and rarely get the exact same haircut twice in a row. I don't detest habits or organization, I just have my own way of doing both. Recently, my world has been rocked a lot. [...]
Two days after I delivered my twin boys via C-section, I stepped out of my hospital gown and into the shower. I was afraid of what I would see when I saw myself post-babies. Would my scar be horrifically stitched? Would my skin be wrinkled and stretched? Would I look like the hallowed out thing [...]
The difficulties of being a mom aren't what I thought they would be. Sure, there's the sleep deprivation, the physical exhaustion, the two screaming babies, the relentless worrying--those are all some what things I expected because everyone tells you all about them. The hardest part, though, isn't any of those--or perhaps, it's a combination of those.
Finally, at 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant, my water broke. We ended up going over to my sisters and having my niece's birthday dinner before heading to the hospital which might sound crazy but I was NOT going to get sent home again!
And suddenly I'm on the other side of a phone call I've made so many times, and I'm silent. Her tears come fast, her words frantic and breathing uncontrolled. Another cycle, another failed attempt to become pregnant. And she asks me the question I may never have the answer to, "why?" Why her? Why them? [...]
The sun was setting. Anthony and I were running behind to our bible study. Me, perpetually late--him perpetually trying to make up for my lost time. I hadn't done the readings. "I tried," I told Anthony. The reality was I picked up our workbook and read a few pages about how flawed we humans are [...]
Easter weekend was incredibly emotional for me--not only is Easter the most sacred of celebrations in the Christian faith, it also holds a special place in my life. One year ago, Easter was one of the hardest days of my life. It happened to be the first holiday that came after our failed IUI. For [...]
As I sit here wide awake before the sun in our baby boys' room, fresh with new paint and stacks of clothes we've slowly been accumulating, I can't help but recall the many sleepless nights that lead me to this one.
This month has been hard. As any of my infertility sisters know, when you're trying to conceive (TTC), you live month to month. Early this month, I was laid off--rather, my department was. It was unexpected and abrupt, though not entirely surprising. I was uncharacteristically okay with it. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy my [...]
This last week has been full of reflection. I've had a lot of long drives by myself to and from the doctors. It's the first time in a long time that I've been able to look at this journey and think something positive. As I've thought back through these past two and a half years, [...]
The Messy Middle 