Two days after I delivered my twin boys via C-section, I stepped out of my hospital gown and into the shower. I was afraid of what I would see when I saw myself post-babies. Would my scar be horrifically stitched? Would my skin be wrinkled and stretched? Would I look like the hallowed out thing [...]
Easter weekend was incredibly emotional for me--not only is Easter the most sacred of celebrations in the Christian faith, it also holds a special place in my life. One year ago, Easter was one of the hardest days of my life. It happened to be the first holiday that came after our failed IUI. For [...]
As I sit here wide awake before the sun in our baby boys' room, fresh with new paint and stacks of clothes we've slowly been accumulating, I can't help but recall the many sleepless nights that lead me to this one.
I know with my recent happy news, it may seem like I don't understand what it's like to try and survive a childless holiday, but before the joy of this year, I faced this season like you--cringing at every pregnancy announcement, teary-eyed at the "baby's first Christmas" ornaments, and generally, feeling empty. Last year I [...]
This month has been hard. As any of my infertility sisters know, when you're trying to conceive (TTC), you live month to month. Early this month, I was laid off--rather, my department was. It was unexpected and abrupt, though not entirely surprising. I was uncharacteristically okay with it. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy my [...]
This last week has been full of reflection. I've had a lot of long drives by myself to and from the doctors. It's the first time in a long time that I've been able to look at this journey and think something positive. As I've thought back through these past two and a half years, [...]
I've been avoiding this. I've come up with every excuse in the book as to why I don't have time, energy, want, and on and on to write. The truth is I'm tired. I'm exhausted and defeated. And that's not really the kind of story people like to tell. But since I don't have any [...]
The Messy Middle 