These past three years have gone by in a blur. My desire for, my seeking and wanting of a child became such a dominant part of my identity that I often felt like I lost myself. By the time the boys finally arrived, I'd all but disappeared. 2018 was a year of moving from one [...]
Two days after I delivered my twin boys via C-section, I stepped out of my hospital gown and into the shower. I was afraid of what I would see when I saw myself post-babies. Would my scar be horrifically stitched? Would my skin be wrinkled and stretched? Would I look like the hallowed out thing [...]
To my beautiful baby boys, I am not so naive to think that the constant questions about your "twin-ness" will stop once you are grown. Your life will hold within it constant comparisons. Some days you may feel you've fallen in the shadow of each other. Some will say one of you is "good" and [...]
The difficulties of being a mom aren't what I thought they would be. Sure, there's the sleep deprivation, the physical exhaustion, the two screaming babies, the relentless worrying--those are all some what things I expected because everyone tells you all about them. The hardest part, though, isn't any of those--or perhaps, it's a combination of those.
There were so many days in these past three years when I had to force my heart to accept that I would never get to meet you. I asked myself many times if it was stronger to let you go or hold on to hope of you for dear life, and I constantly teetered on [...]
Finally, at 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant, my water broke. We ended up going over to my sisters and having my niece's birthday dinner before heading to the hospital which might sound crazy but I was NOT going to get sent home again!
Today marks the celebration of moms everywhere. It's a day full of flowers, the best attire we can pull out of the back of our closets, fancy lunches/dinners, and hand-made or shiny new gifts. It's one of those days that used to be so simple to me--a day, a single day dedicated to recognizing my [...]
To my husband, In just a few short weeks our lives will change forever--we will never go another day in our lives not being "Mom" and "Dad." And while this is a change we've dreamt so long for, I never want to forget the blessing that three and a half years dating and three and [...]
And suddenly I'm on the other side of a phone call I've made so many times, and I'm silent. Her tears come fast, her words frantic and breathing uncontrolled. Another cycle, another failed attempt to become pregnant. And she asks me the question I may never have the answer to, "why?" Why her? Why them? [...]
The sun was setting. Anthony and I were running behind to our bible study. Me, perpetually late--him perpetually trying to make up for my lost time. I hadn't done the readings. "I tried," I told Anthony. The reality was I picked up our workbook and read a few pages about how flawed we humans are [...]
The Messy Middle 