Tonight is Oliver’s first official night out of our room (that is, unless, of course, I change my mind and sneak him back into our room).

I sit, rocking him, nursing him as he drifts off to sleep, and I think about his little body tucked against mine. I think about he’s not as small as he once was. And I think about the all too cliche but all too true words of every parent—“it goes too fast.”

I think about how hard my recovery was after I had him and how painful nursing at the beginning. I think about the two of us being locked away in mine and Anthony’s bedroom, nursing, napping, watching “Say Yes to The Dress,” and napping some more.

Those days were challenging in their own right, but precious, because for that short period of time, it was just the two of us.

These last ten months have flown. It feels like they went even faster than the big boys’ somehow. Oliver has already grown into such a happy, sweet, snuggly little boy and I often wonder how I got so lucky. Tonight, during bath time, I just watched his expressions. His curiosity, his innocent delight, his wheels turning. I thought about how incredible it is that I held this being inside my body, and, even more so, how much he has learned and changed since entering the world.

There’s nothing more telling of God’s amazing creativity, grace, love, and mercy than looking into the face of your growing child each day.

Here are just a few of the many things I don’t want to forget about Ollie at this stage:

• His voice: the sounds he makes and the “dada” and “mama” that he utters as he busies himself in a task are some of the sweetest, most adorable noises on planet earth
• His smile: when Ollie smiles, all is right in the world. His two tiny bottom teeth are on full display and his chubby cheeks bunch up, making them look even larger.
• His “biting”: Ollie has recently attempted biting in response to his brothers’ not so gentle loving. He doesn’t really know what he’s trying to do though, so he really just ends up rubbing his mouth on them.
• His carnivorous preferences: the kid loves meat—short and simple. He’ll ear any meat at any given time but has a particular love for chicken wings and beef jerky.
• His demeanor: people constantly comment on what a good baby Ollie is. He IS, though he has rough days sometimes, he is a genuinely good and happy baby.
• His love for his mama ❤️: I’m not going to lie, it feels good to be #1 (sorry Dada).

While this has been such a hard time for so many families, it has been a healing time for ours. Anthony has been able to be home and take better care of himself, get more rest, and significantly reduce his time on the road—all, I believe—important factors in managing his migraines.

But one of the absolute biggest blessings is the fact that I’ve been able to be home with my sons and still be actively involved in their day-to-day while also pursuing my career.

In a time of unpredictability, hatred, and fear, it’s these moments when I’m reminded—this is what I’m here for. This is why I exist. And these are the lives I will impact the most in my time here on earth.

Don’t lose sight of the big picture—it’s made up of the minute details.