I wanted to just take a moment to update you on all the incredible things that have been happening in the last few months for me and my family. I attempted to share a video with these updates, but in a user error, I was slightly out of focus. Oh well, now you can just read about it like the studious individual you are!

I’m just going to start by saying, God has been good. I mean so so good to us. He always is, of course, but we have been seeing abundant blessing from Him in this season.

Health Concerns

Many of you know that my husband, Anthony, went through a bout of experiencing debilitating migraines. It was terrifying. The first time it happened, I thought he might have been exaggerating (man cold and everything…). He had come in from the yard and was complaining that his head hurt, he laid down and we thought that was it. Then the next day, he called me at around 6:00 PM, when he usually gets home, and told me not to panic. He was being driven home by an Uber because he had lost visibility and control of his motor skills. It only got worse from there with half his body going numb, vomiting, inability to communicate, and terrible pressure in his head.

The following month was excruciating. We had two trips to the ER, a handful of unhelpful visits with specialists, and no results. All anyone could tell us was that he was experiencing migraines. They couldn’t say if they’d ever go away or why they were coming, just that they were. In very different ways, Anthony and I both felt out of control.

Not only was Anthony constantly on the watch for signs of a migraine and often unable to help with the boys or anything else, I was still in my first trimester with our third and feeling it. After 12-hour days with the boys, I needed reprieve and Anthony has always offered it, but was unable to. I was absolutely spent. I hardly had the energy to take care of Anthony (which I was admittedly very bad at) let alone the rest of my family.

Anthony was angry. I was angry. We wanted answers and solutions. We were spinning our wheels and running low on fuel. Anthony would ask me to pray over us and, though some days it was half-hearted, I did. Even during the confusion, frustration, and exhaustion, God seemed to tell us not to give up and to trust. I had to trust that he wouldn’t gift me this man to take him away—though I know that’s not how it really works, it calmed me. I had to trust him with the most important person in my life and it was hard. Anthony had to trust that God was in control when he had no way to be—he had to hand over the reins.

Now we are a few months removed from this. Anthony made the decision to take his health back into his hands and begrudgingly cut coffee, chocolate, and peanuts from his diet (some potential triggers of migraines.) Since then, he has been migraine free. We don’t know exactly why or how, but we are SO grateful. Health is something you take for granted until you don’t have it. You better believe I’ve been extra thankful for all my family members’ health.

A Working and SAHM

This last month I started going in to the office two days a week. I made this decision when we were in the worst parts of Anthony’s migraines. I honestly think that everything came at this time in order to push me back into work. I still very much want to be home, but as the boys have gotten older, caring for them has necessarily become more challenging and, much more still because I’m pregnant.

To me, going back into the office to me was an admission of failure as a stay at home mom. This period of time showed me that it was absolutely necessary whether or not it was a failure. I was not able to be as mentally present as I once was. I was more exhausted from the physical demands of carrying two 20 pound kids and the mental demands of breaking up fighting, managing meltdowns, and cooking and cleaning for every one of their meals.

We knew it was time for a change, but I was and am not yet ready to be back in the office full-time. I still want to be with them during the week and, frankly, we can’t afford for me not to. So, two days a week, I’m home with them, one day a week my in-laws watch them, and two days I’m in the office and the boys are at daycare.

It’s been an adjustment to say the least, but it’s been a much-needed change.

Having time away has helped me be more patient and present on the days I’m home.

This doesn’t mean everything is perfect when I’m home. It’s the same wonderful mess of a thing that it always has been, but now I have a chance to communicate with adults beyond repeating, “don’t put that in your mouth,” and “stop hitting your brother” twenty times a day.

This change couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve increased my hours from 20 to 35 a week at my work and my freelance marketing business has unexpectedly taken off. I’ve been working on all different kinds of marketing initiatives and really getting back into doing what I love. It’s been incredible to say the least. I didn’t realize that I missed it until I was back in it.

I wouldn’t change the 14 months I’ve had at home with my boys, but I’m excited about what this next chapter looks like.

Working Dad

In other news, Anthony got a new job within his organization! It is also a vertical move, so he may eventually have the opportunity to oversee his own team, which is something he’s been wanting for a long while now. This is something we’ve been praying for, for a long time. I’ve been praying for him to find a role where he is surrounded by intelligent and helpful mentors and that the position would utilizes his natural talents to grow him as a professional and a person.

I can’t expand a lot more on it at this time because it is still very new and he hasn’t started in his new position yet, but this has been a tremendous development for our family.

A New Project

And finally, I’ve started a new passion project—this one surrounding personal branding through my new brand of The Messy Middle. You might have seen some of the communications from me through this very blog or through my social media accounts. I’ve been thoroughgoingly enjoying exploring the creative process in this new space, particularly in video. I won’t say that I’m a skilled videographer or video subject, but it’s been on my heart to start building something—even if it isn’t perfect.

For me, this new project is all about creating something. I used to focus so much on creating the greatest thing on the face of the planet. It was hard to keep up with and I’d usually walk away at some point because I couldn’t live up to these unachievable expectations.

This time around, rather than suffocating my artistic side, I’m giving myself freedom to create things that aren’t perfect or completely polished.

It’s been good for me, though it’s been challenging. I’m not used to shutting my inner critic down.

It’s still early and I’m still learning how to push through my own doubts and insecurities, but I am dedicated to seeing this through. Whatever that means.

All in all, God has been blessing us from many different angles. I am just so grateful for a season of provision. This is the busiest we’ve been in a while, but the busyness has been welcome and positive. I know working several jobs while being a stay-at-home mom and juggling Anthony’s new job will have its own difficulties, but I feel like we are moving in one unified direction as a family and I am so grateful for it.