My twin boys are now two months old. The cliche is true, the time goes by so quickly. One day, I was looking at two tiny, string bean babies–unaware how truly fragile and small they were–and now, I see my full-faced, bright-eye’d boys looking back at me.

I never expected parenting to be easy. In fact, every single person will tell you how hard being a parent is when you’re expecting. I can’t tell you how many unwelcome horror stories strangers felt compelled to tell me while I was pregnant.

In the very short time I’ve been a mom, I can tell you it hasn’t been easy, but it’s been the most important thing I’ve ever done aside from being a wife.

The difficulties of being a mom aren’t what I thought they would be. Sure, there’s the sleep deprivation, the physical exhaustion, the two screaming babies, the relentless worrying–those are all some what things I expected because everyone tells you all about them. The hardest part, though, isn’t any of those–or perhaps, it’s a combination of those.

Becoming a parent shines a new kind of spotlight on your shortcomings–your fears, your failures because they don’t just belong to you anymore. They don’t just hide in the shadows anymore. All of your insecurities are heightened. Your doubts take center stage. And, no matter how hard you try, you realize very quickly that there is no one right way to do everything but that there are also a million wrong ways to do anything.

Not only are you trying to keep these little, helpless humans alive–you’re also in the biggest battle of your life against yourself with no energy to spare for the fight. All of the voices you’ve worked so hard to fend off have free rein, and it’s up to you to overcome them.

Yes, for me the hardest part of being a parent is myself–trying to remain confident in the face of my inadequacies, trying to stay calm in times of complete terror.

I’ve always struggled to trust myself, but when you are a parent, your children only have the option to trust you.

After Anthony went back to work, each day I’ve had at least one (closer to a million) moment where something inside of me says, “you can’t do this.” And I believe it. I wholeheartedly believe it. But then I look at my boys, with those wide eyes staring back at me and I know somehow I must go beyond my ability, I must go beyond my limits. That’s where God steps in.

I’ve repeated to myself many times, “fear, he is a liar,” from the Zach Williams song I’ve heard so many times on K-LOVE. Sometimes I say it in my head, other times I have to say it aloud, but somehow repeating these words helps.

And in the same way that these moments are so challenging, they are so very important. In the two short months my children have been on this earth, they have given me more opportunities than I have ever had before to make a different decision in trusting God and, in turn, trusting what He places in my heart.

Going beyond yourself is never easy, but I have more reason than I ever had before to do so. Though there have been difficult moments, being a mother and raising these boys has been easily the most amazing thing I’ve ever done.

For mama’s out there who are losing heart, who feel like a failure. Today is one day. You will try again tomorrow. Forgive yourself of your shortcomings and move passed your mistakes. You are still human–treat yourself like one.