This month has been hard. As any of my infertility sisters know, when you’re trying to conceive (TTC), you live month to month.

Early this month, I was laid off–rather, my department was. It was unexpected and abrupt, though not entirely surprising. I was uncharacteristically okay with it. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy my job, I loved it, in fact, but I realized what I really loved was working for my boss. He also was laid off and something in my heart told me, it would be okay in the end.

It’s strange. When it comes to my life, I’m usually fighting God, but with my career, I’ve always felt like we were on the same page. It’s the one place where I feel certainty with God at my side, where I truly rely on Him to guide me.

It wasn’t long before I saw all of the pieces falling into place, before the meaning behind this fast turn revealed itself. Of course, it doesn’t always work that way, but here it did.

Here’s a bit of background on how God’s been working in my life.

It was about three weeks ago when I was at my parent’s cabin, surfing the web, looking for some comfortable, inexpensive and encouraging shirts on Etsy. There were a lot of great options, but as I scanned my options, I kept thinking, I could make this. I didn’t say it in a dismissive way, rather, I was immediately inspired. Most people who know me know that I have a variety of hobbies and interests and many of them spring up out of these random moments of insanity–but this one was going to be different somehow. I didn’t know it then, but I know it now.

I started looking into the world of t-shirt making and, let me tell you, it’s not as simple as you might think. I immersed myself in researching the best manufacturers, the highest rated delivery services, and began working on initial designs. At the time, I wasn’t sleeping in the evening. Everything with our IVF process felt like it was at a stand still and I desperately needed to move. So I dedicated my sleepless nights to more research, more testing, and more designing.

The Sunday after I had this bright idea, I was sitting in church and very clearly felt God speaking to me. Maybe less speaking and more…moving in me? It’s hard to describe, but the message was working its way into my heart that it hasn’t in a while. The message was about being a light in a world of darkness and that sometimes, the best way for you to be a light is to do it when you are in darkness. That sometimes the only way to help others who are hurting is to expose your hurt. To make something beautiful from the ashes.

I felt God say, okay, you have a new hobby, great. Now do something with it. Make an impact. Take your profits from this and donate them to local families, to your neighbors, to your friends, to strangers who are suffering through this pain. Bring them through this darkness in the way you wanted to be brought through.

It was clear. There was no denying it was God’s voice. There was no denying that He was commanding me to go and serve in a way that I never have.

So I have gone. I haven’t generated much and it will likely take me time to get this business of the ground, but–as God has reminded me–He didn’t promise me it would be easy to accomplish, He just told me to do it. Thus, PDBD Apparel was born. A acronym for our new blog name — From Pixie Dust to Baby Dust — a play off my childhood nickname, “Pixie.”

So here I am with this idea in my head and a conviction on my heart wondering how I will possibly balance everything. The following Friday I was laid off. Now, do I wish He wouldn’t have taken these doubts so literally? Maybe. But it gave me the time I needed to get some ground work laid on this new endeavor.

Within that same week, it became very obvious that my parent’s new company needed a marketing expert and they had been asking me for some time to join them, but my loyalty was with my boss. As I was driving away from the old office building with a bag full of my stuff, I was sure that my next step was to go work for my parents once more and work to build something that I believed in.

A week later, my old boss called me with a consulting opportunity for the two of us allowing me to bring on a new client to the firm and funding my full-time position with my parents (which we wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise).

While this may not have been the area I was praying for actively, it’s certainly where God has revealed Himself. I have a newfound passion fueled by pain–one that can actually do good. I pray that God blesses my efforts and allows me to make something good out of heartache. I pray that God enables me to bring light to some of those currently in darkness.

If you’re there, you aren’t alone. I’ve been there. I am there. Let’s link arms and walk through the night together.