Innocence is the most underrated virtue. In this world, experience, knowledge, is hailed as king. Not that innocence is the antithesis of this, but it is thought to be. To be innocent is to be ignorant. This might sound extreme, but when you look at our society, you are sure to see the truth in it. Look at your Facebook feed, look at your newspaper, news station, television, movie theater, literature, music, fashion. Anywhere you look there is someone putting a sword to the throat of what is pure (mind, body, or soul). Yes, for me, in many ways, this comes back to religion, but even those who don’t share my beliefs experience innocence. It’s something everyone has and can keep, but more often choose to give away. So many times we trade our innocence for the false guise of acceptance. For some reason, there is something far more appealing in loss of innocence than there is in protecting it.

There’s been a war waged against the sanctity of innocence. I don’t mean just sexually, I mean in general. Having a good time is now a game of how drunk you can get, how far you can push the limits, how much “rebellion” your body and mind can take in one way or another. It’s all about doing what you want whenever you want it with no consequence.

These days, to know yourself, you’re encouraged to go out in the world, explore it because somewhere out there you’re supposed to find you. I believe when we are confused or lost or uncertain, it’s because we need to get back to our origin. I suppose that’s a lot of the reason why I am how I am.

It was only a few years ago now that one of the people I worked for berated me for getting married so young. He told me that when I entered into my forties, I’d look back and be a woman of regret. That I would realize how much I missed when I didn’t use my 20s capitalize on the opportunity for casual sex, nights I’d never remember, and friends I’d never care about. He predicted by 45 I’d be divorced and severely unhappy.

But his prediction of my life was just his deflection of his life onto mine. I know that now, but at the time, it hurt more than I’d like to admit. While he was one of the only ones to say it in the way he did, I know that there are many other people I’ve encountered that look at me with the same sentiment. That’s their opinion; they aren’t entitled to have one about me, but sometimes people choose to anyway.

In this conversation, I thought it was my relationship that was being attacked, but I was wrong. It was that part of me that is still clean, untouched by the horrors of this world. I think most people still have that part of them. I think a lot of people would prefer to have experienced everything in the book, leaving no stone unturned. I don’t believe that. I believe in being picky with my time and effort. I believe in investing in the things that are at the top of my list and leaving the others behind.

I’m not suggesting that going out and exploring the world is not a positive way to learn or grow, I’m simply saying that who you are is in your core, not in your environment. I’m grieving over the fearlessness and bold thing I once was, over the light I’ve lost throughout this life.

You don’t need to look any further than at my near-two year old niece (and my two month old niece but she’s basically an adorable blob at this point in her life 😉 ) to see the beauty that is innocence.

Watching Arabella grow into a talking machine, a decision-maker, a trend-setter, and a true fighter, I’ve realized that her innocence does not keep her from being powerful. My prayer for her so often is to hang on to her innocence in a way I did not know to. To keep her love of outside, to never be afraid of the creepy crawlers, to roll in the grass and not care about it staining her outfit, to eat all the ice cream she wants without being unhappy with what she sees in the mirror, to chase all things of the sky forever (not just airplanes), to always be in awe of the moon, and sun, and stars and all of the amazing creations we are surrounded by. To dance to all music regardless of what it is and how terrible she is. To be unapologetically herself. This is what I hope for both of my nieces. To never be corrupted or bitter or angry, to be perfect and pure and wonderfully fierce because of it. To never witness the ugliness around her or experience it herself.

This is my prayer for me too. I have made it a point this year to have fun—classic fun. To play more. To run through the grocery store being chased by my husband, to sing wherever I’m at in the house regardless of how awful it sounds sometimes, to walk out without makeup on and not get self-conscious, to color, to create, decorate, paint. To watch as many animal documentaries as I have time for. To put off doing laundry to take a random car ride with Anthony. To return to my roots, all the way back to my muddy hands and toes. No one is too far gone, too grown up or too lost to do this—if I’m not, you certainly aren’t. While you might not be able to give back the knowledge you have or the pains you’ve experienced, you can choose to live your life in pursuit of the truest version of your soul.

For me this state is far more beautiful than any me I might find out there in the world. Because when you are innocence, you don’t have to seek out beauty, you’ll find that it’s all around you because it is inside of you.