Sometimes it’s easy for me to forget that there was ever anything before Anthony. It sounds cheesy, but it’s true. This is partially because we’ve been together for a somewhat substantial amount of time (nearly five years now), partially because all of the things we have endured together, partially because of the stage of life we’ve lived together, but mostly because, well, it’s Anthony. By this I mean incredibly easy to fall in love with (once you stop fighting it, that is) and impossible to fall out of love with.

But, yes. Before Anthony I loved. I fell in love with so many things and so many people, it’s no wonder that I’ve come out of it a bit bitter. Things break. People break. It’s inevitable that a heart would break once or twice.

In my opinion, there’s almost nothing more difficult that realizing someone who you love isn’t going to be the person you love forever. How that realization comes is different for everyone and every relationship. Maybe it’s one crystalizing moment, maybe it’s a huge fight, maybe it’s something that happens over time, but eventually, one of you will realize that neither of you are The One and it will really, truly suck. If you’re mature enough, you’ll walk away on good terms. If you’re human, it probably won’t happen quite like that.

So when, inevitably, things explode or implode, you’ll probably be reeling for a while. Maybe a few months, maybe a few years. Who knows. But some day you’ll feel strong enough to reflect on everything with a clear head. Until then, here’s something to help you get through.

A Few Things I learned from all the ones before “the one:”

1. All love counts.

When I think back to the person I was eight, nine years ago, I cringe. I was so…young. Not that I’m not now, but I just had no clue. About anything. Especially not love. I think that some people will discount young love, but I don’t. I think all love matters, but not all love is meant to last.

Especially when I was heartbroken, I would try and make excuses for how I felt for those people. I’d try and pretend that I didn’t feel as strongly as I did because pretending was easier than letting it hit me. It was a phase. He really wasn’t my “type.” Yada yada yada.

Hindsight, I’m not sorry for how I felt. Could I have spent my time and emotions in better ways and on better people? Probably, but the fact is is that I didn’t. I chose to be in the relationships I was in for a reason. Even if it didn’t end pretty, it did usually start that way.

2. It’s not about not having love.

The hardest part about breakups, especially for serious relationships, is that it usually doesn’t end because you stop being in love. I believe that’s why people end up getting back together so frequently in those situations.

But being in love doesn’t necessarily change who you are as individuals. No matter how much you care about each other, there may be things that you either unwilling or unable to change about yourselves. If that is the case, there’s little that can be done to salvage the relationship.

Just because you have a lot of love doesn’t mean that you necessarily have a future with that person.

3. Find a way to be grateful.

To be clear, I don’t think you should feel inclined to thank people for breaking your heart, but I think you can thank them for the opportunity to feel. Because to feel is a gift of its own.

I’m grateful for the lessons and yes, even some of the memories. These are my souvenirs. These may not make the pain worth it, but they help soften the blow. Heartbreak is something anyone can give you, feeling is something you get to keep for yourself.

4. Be honest with yourself.

If I’m being honest, I suppose I never really gave anyone much of a fair chance. I never allowed myself to trust any one enough to truly be myself around them, partially because I don’t think I really knew who I was at the time. I didn’t trust any of those people to love the ugly parts of me and those are the parts that needed love the most. I know that now.

I’ve made bad, selfish decisions and took some people down with me. I can’t pretend that I’ve only ever been a victim and never been a villain. Sometimes looking at yourself in an honest light helps you have some grace, even if it’s just a teeny tiny bit, for the person who hurt you.

5. The One can’t erase anything, but they can make it worthwhile.

The story that you’re writing may feel tragic right now, but it has a happy ending if you let it. While you are enduring what feels unbearable right now, the cuts will heal. No matter how deep.

When you find “The One” every other pain, love, anger will be dwarfed in its presence. Your fears, your failures, will seem so insignificant, so trivial. Your ugliness won’t feel so terrifying. Your anger, not so feverish. Your brokenness not so obvious.

The loves you’ve had before will not be erased, but they will not sting like they used to because they just don’t need to. Those gashes, those bruises, they’ll be covered, they’ll be bandaged, and you will heal because you will be at rest. You will find peace.

I asked Anthony once how he got over his heartbreaks and he said, “well, I guess I just knew that they weren’t the person I was supposed to be with and even though it hurt sometimes, I just kept thinking about the day I’d find her. I just kept thinking, if I loved someone who wasn’t the one this much, then imagine how much I’ll love my one.”

For those of you who haven’t found him or her yet, just reflect on the depth and amount of love you are made of. Some day, you’ll have the chance to give that to someone who will reciprocate it. Just keep hanging on a little longer .

And for those of you lucky enough to have found your person, thank your stars for them. You’re incredibly blessed.