This week Anthony and I were told that we will not be able to get our house for at least another year in order for Anthony’s credit score to recover. I’ll explain and keep it brief to avoid fixating.

About two months ago, we found out that there were several misreported/missed payments for his old car (which we no longer pay for) that showed either late or missing, but because Anthony’s name is still on the car, it effected his credit score. Because he doesn’t have a long credit history, it was devistating to his credit. Understand that in May, when we got our new cars, his credit score was perfectly fine–fairly high even–and a few months later, we are told we don’t qualify for the loan we were hoping for. In short, I will never bank with Wells Fargo.

Initially when we found this, it was a huge blow to our dreams of moving in December or early this year, but we were hopeful. We appealed our case, got all of our documentation together and prayed–a lot. Then on Wednesday, we found out that our appeal had been denied and that Wells Fargo would not remove the report they’d sent to the credit agencies.

I should’ve felt defeated. I should’ve felt hopeless and truthfully, that’s what I expected from myself. But somehow I didn’t. Sure, I cried, I yelled, I made sure I was heard by the Wells Farfo manager who couldn’t have cared less about my circumstance, but at the end of it, on my drive back to work, I was at peace. I knew that Anthony and I had done absolutely everything we could to resolve this issue. Anthony had called Wells Fargo almost every day for the last month and a half. He’d made sure the payments were made on time and recorded as being on time. And I kept him sane, constantly reminding and attempting to show him that everything would be okay in the end.

I don’t know how to explain it, but I knew it was God. I knew He had given me peace. Anthony and I have been praying differently in the last few months. Of course, we’ve prayed the A-Typical prayer for things to go our way, for Wells Fargo to remove the records from Anthony’s credit so we could start looking for a home, but we added a new plea, that His will be done.

I think it’s easy to pray this prayer without really knowing what it means. It means letting go of control, of our dreams and hopes and trusting that God’s dreams and hopes are much bigger. It’s also something that I, in particular, struggle with in my relationship with God. But I’ve added to that prayer on my way to work recently and said, “help me trust you the way you deserve.” I truly felt like God answered my prayers in that moment.

Sure, we have to wait a little longer than we wanted, but I believe that there is a reason. I believe that God has a plan. And being able to truly mean that is so much bigger than what we thought we were fighting for in this whole thing.

Sometimes it’s not about getting what you’re fighting for. It’s not about winning the war. Sometimes it just about being strong enough to go to battle. Sometimes it’s just about showing up.