Anthony and I got married the winter of our 21st birthdays. To be exact, I was 21 years, 4 months, and two days old when I said, “I do.” People asked me, “why are you rushing into this?” It wasn’t rushed, in fact, I felt like I was going at tortoise-like pace. To me, this didn’t feel too young. I’d been waiting a year since Anthony proposed and four years since I fell for him. For me, this had been a long time coming.

I’ve read a lot of articles addressing a similar topic (i.e. 20 Reasons You Should Be Single in Your 20’s, and the like). And read many before tying the knot. I can admit that reading these articles made me question myself. It seems a bit silly that something so small got to me, but it did. I don’t know if you’ve ever been there, but if you have you know how easy it is to read article after article of reasons why you “shouldn’t” XYZ. These posts were written by real people with real world experience, why shouldn’t you believe them?

Exactly, I thought. These are people with their own experiences and their own beliefs. Well, I’m here to defend mine. Marriage, for one reason or another, has earned a bad reputation. It has been made out to be a place where freedom, individuality, and will go to die. Or so I’ve been told.

I feel that it’s only fair to hear two sides of this story.

1. Marriage is a lot work.

I’m addressing this one first. Who hasn’t heard this statement? This is a reason to get married “too young,” you may be asking? Yes, yes it is.

It may be more appealing to sit on your couch and eat doughnut holes and watch an entire series on Netflix (guilty). Of course marriage is a lot of work. And sure, more work than many people might be cut out for, certainly more than I was cut out for, but what is wrong with that? Growth happens when you are forced to stretch. Growth takes what is there and makes it…more. Marriage, can, in the same way, take you and make you more than you ever thought possible you could be.

I can tell you, marriage is not for the faint of heart.

Marriage is not for the lazy. It is the biggest commitment you will probably ever make and, at times, the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but I can tell you that it is absolutely the most rewarding thing you have ever done as well.

2. Marriage is a lot of fun.

There is not nearly enough light shed on this part of marriage. It is a lot of fun. I mean, hands down, the best times I’ve ever had. It’s really unfortunate that the “work” part of this commitment is stressed so heavily and no one talks about the “play” piece. I’m not sure if it has anything to do with our age, but I do think that us being young means that we have overall lots of energy.

Anthony and I are big on laughing. We both have the same kind of humor and both love to have it excised frequently. Many people may not think of me as a particularly funny person. I hate to tell you this, but you are dead wrong, I am absolutely hilarious.

(But really, I am).

We are constantly laughing. Not like a quick chuckle, no, hands on your stomach, out of breath laughing. Being married, and living together in particular, has forced us into this state of comfortability that I’ve never had with anyone. I can just blurt out my random thoughts without worrying about being judged. Or, more accurately, I will likely be judged by Anthony, but he’s stuck with me so he has to deal with it.

Aside from the daily chuckle-fests, we go on adventures a lot together. From something as mundane (and disorganized in my case) as going to the grocery store, to trying out a new restaurant, to exploring the gorgeous state that we live in, we have a great time. It has very little to do, many times, with what we are doing and much more to do with the fact that we’re together. We talk about our beliefs, our experiences, our hopes and dreams, our failures. We talk the whole time we are together and continually surprise each other.

3. Marriage is an equal opportunity employer.

And I’m not talking about the political debates around it. I mean that marriage, when you’re in it, doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care how famous you are, it doesn’t care how old or smart or sexy you are, marriage will push every single person regardless. All marriages will have their seasons. Seasons of joy, of trial, of anger, of sadness, of forgiveness. Marriage, like life, doesn’t really care who you are to everyone else, it only cares about who you are deep, deep down.

I think that one of the greatest challenges in marriage is that many people find–as I did–that the person I thought I was is not who I really am. This can be such a destructive discovery that it can lead to resentment, anger, and denial in a marriage. My best advice? Be honest with yourself. Completely, harshly honest.

Marriage does not allow anything to hide. It will bring all of your greatest flaws, insecurities, and inconsistencies out in the spotlight. And, beyond that, marriage allows another person to see these things and, possibly, address them.

But this is an opportunity for positive change. And, while scary, it is one of the absolutely most important things to happen in a marriage.

4. Marriage is sharing.

I’m not a well-known sharer. I would not tout this as one of my strengths. Though I easily express my opinions, I don’t know that anyone would describe it as sharing.

In a marriage, one of the greatest blessings is that you will share everything. From your shower and your bed to the stresses of daily life and the big hopes for the future, everything stops being mine to become ours. Don’t mistake this statement as saying you are no longer your own person, I’ll get to that in a bit. I am saying that you no longer have to carry things alone. Even for someone who is as stubborn and “I can do it myself” as me, this is one of the most amazing parts of marriage. Sharing your weight with someone else allows you to broaden your emotional, mental, and physical bandwidth. You can do more, be more, and experience more as a couple than you could alone.

5. Marriage is stability.

I think that stability is often confused with boredom. Something being consistent and dependable does not make it boring. Marriage provides a safe place, or should provide a safe place for one another. I can’t express enough how comforting it is to come home from a hard day at work to see Anthony. Maybe he’s making dinner, maybe he’s watching TV or folding laundry, it doesn’t matter, seeing him makes all the difference. And even if he doesn’t know it will be he always tells me, “it’ll all be okay” and I always believe him.

Having that stability in my life is extremely important to me. For some people, they can find this with friends or hobbies, but with me, I’ve always needed to find this in another person. That doesn’t, in my opinion, make me weak or needy. It just means I get a lot out of my relationship with Anthony.

6. Marriage is independence.

One thing that troubles me is how often people bash marriage as being a place where individuality goes to die. I am a very independent, strong person with a hot head and a sharp mouth. I’m sure that my husband would be the first to say that us being married has done little to “steal” my independence.

Marriage is not the answer to loneliness. It is not the solution for the weak or small minded. Marriage is not a safe haven for insecurities. It is not a prison for dreams. It will not stop you from traveling the world or from adventuring into self exploration. It does not tie you to a weight that drags you deep into the ocean. Marriage doesn’t mean the end of your career or your life or your goals.

It’s ignorant, honestly, to say that marriage is any of those things. I once read an article that called marriage a “trap” and to the author I’d say, if marriage is a trap, then you are certainly doing it wrong.

Marriage will not entertain the weak, selfish parts of you. It will bring your darkness under the light and will demand that you face it. It will not allow you to be the smallest parts of you; it will grow and challenge and push you until you are the most “independent” version of yourself.

7. Marriage is change.

Change is a necessary part of life. It is often painful but most always unavoidable. Marriage speeds that process up. It will make you change, and it will make you change now.

One thing about getting married young is that you aren’t as set in your ways. Little things like whether you put your dishes in the dishwasher or in the sink (but why wouldn’t you put them in the dishwasher?) after you use them, or if you leave your shoes in tripping territory every time you take them off (sorry, Anthony), or if you have a tendency to use your phone when you are out at dinner. Whatever it is, the younger you are the less time you’ve had to really solidifies these tendencies as habits. It doesn’t mean that these tendencies are easy to get rid of once you get married, but it gives you a chance to develop new tendencies that will hopefully become more healthy habits.

I could go on and on, but these are some of the best things about marriage in general and about getting married young. In short, I’m hear to clear “Marriage”‘s name. To stop all of the hatred that has been thrown at something that is truly sacred. Yes, there are bad marriages. Yes, there are bad people. Marriage has the potential to be the things I’ve listed but there is no guarantee.

I’m not an expert on marriage. I’m not even an expert on my marriage. I just think it is absolutely vital to understand what a great marriage can be and to realize that there is another side to the press that it is getting out there.

Best of luck to all my newly (or not so newly) weds out there. We’re all fighting your fight.

-Lindsay